Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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