The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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