"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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