I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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