You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
