My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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