If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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