We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
