my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
