I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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