Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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