Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
