Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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