Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
