he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
