margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
