I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
