Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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