Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
