So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize