The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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