Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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