In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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