I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
