Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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