I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
