dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
