I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
