I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
