We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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