Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
