I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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