Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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