It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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