And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
