i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
