too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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