either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
operation have a gay friend backfired
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
