So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
