did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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