Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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