I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
