i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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