just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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