mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
