Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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