How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
