physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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