omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
