just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
