last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
