Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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