It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize