he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
