apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
