Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize