I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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