she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize