I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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