We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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