I bet he comes in French.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
